Holy Crap - Danderzup - and other line in the sand moments

Hello everyone,

I have been thinking about doing this for awhile. As most of you already know, my husband of 30+ years has esophogeal cancer. I have decided to write about this for you and me....but mostly for me. It's easier for me to write what is happening than to speak of it. It all gets stuck in my throat like a huge boulder and the tears, hard as I try, just start to come and we all feel bad and sad. So, to make me feel better (this is healthy and I do need a safe place to vent) and knowing that so many of you care about how John and I are doing, but don't want to make me cry, I've decided this venue might be the solution for all of us. A way for me to express myself and keep you current.

Obviously, over the months I found that I was repeating myself over and over through out the week and now months, so John's story and experiences are on going, as are mine. This cancer chapter of our life together is coming to a close, so I thought I would try to start at the beginning with some of the emails to relatives and friends about our journey to date. It's not been a horrible trip, in fact some of it has been fun and different. So many lessons, so little time....Who Knew?

 

Death, dying, what's that all about. If it's sudden, there is not chance to think about it, but if your are aware of it looming in your near future then it's like a big shadow hanging over every day, a cloud you just cannot come out from under. It's grey and hovering, yet you can see the sun on the perimeter. I don't expect to see or experience the sun any time soon. I know I am speaking for both of us when I say this and I believe it whole heartedly. There is and has never ever been a moratorium on miracles. Is the miracle a healing, is it dying, is it having lived at all. Maybe it's all of it.

 

So, this is our story. To catch up or see where we have been, click the Month links to the left.





Comments

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  • Cathy Imler (Wednesday, May 30 12 10:09 am EDT)

    Hey guys,

    Just stopping by to say hi and let you know I love you!!

  • joseph john manacchio (Monday, April 30 12 08:23 pm EDT)

    my name is joseph, john is my father. i just spent 5 days with him and his wife bridgit. john never once complained about anything. we talked about many things, some very deep and others just your
    normal father son stuff. he passed on things to me i will cherish for the rest of my life,his bravery and his love for his wife are the things i was most impressed with. if i can carry on with john's
    strength and heart i will consider myself a lucky man. when i think about my dad i see a man's man and that will NEVER change. how do you thank someone for being a parent? i don't know if words can
    do the job. maybe i did thank john buy coming out to see him but i fell i could do more. talk to you all soon. joseph john manacchio

  • Trinity (Sunday, February 26 12 11:26 pm EST)

    Proud of my strong friend.